Art and Empty Spaces: February 2014

I was the one who traced that “katol” stand on our wall. I was the one who drew the hearts on our drawer. I drew stick figures on our wall, on our chair, on my brother’s books and even on my younger brother’s arm. You will still see some of my doodles in our house. I was that bubbly little Ayesha who can’t get enough of anything that can be used to draw—pencils, pens, crayons, markers, chalks, paints, charcoal and even pieces of broken pots. (Try it! Pieces of broken pots can be used to draw. ) I love to draw. I need it as much as I need to breathe. It’s like I was born holding a pencil.

When I was a kid, every time people ask what I wanted to be when I grow up, I always say, “I wanna be a painter.” The first cartoon I drew was Kero-keropi since it was my nursery bag. Oh the feeling of having drawn that big-eyed green frog! Heaven! This was followed by animes: Fushiji Yugi, Magic Knight Reyearth, Ghost Fighter, Samurai X, Slam Dunk, Flame of Recca, Hunter x Hunter, all the famous animes in the 90’s. I even drew the fairy in the “Alamat ng Kasoy.” I will never forget that Alamat ng Kasoy drawing for an uncle of mine told my father that I have good hands for art after seeing me sketching a fairy holding a cashew. I won’t forget that compliment.

When I was in high school, I used to join in poster making competitions. Every time I win, I have cash to take home. I love the feeling of my art being appreciated more than having the money though. It was also in high school when a teacher of mine told me to take Fine Arts. Fine Arts? I don’t have the resources to enrol in Art School since we are a big family and I have brothers and sisters who were also studying. Fine Arts is too expensive. I did not take up Fine Arts but I continue to do arts. I never let my passion fade away. The little seedling of love I have for arts grow and grow as I grow older.

Then, I fell in love and sketched his face. How can I forget? How can I forget the details of his face –the line on his eyelids, the shape of his lips and the shape of his eye brows? An artist who loves notices even the smallest detail and considers every detail beautiful, even blemishes perfect. How can I forget?

I broke my heart several times for so many reasons and have it stitched again by art. Art is healing. Art is happiness. Art is love, the love I’ve been keeping since I was a kid.

I enrolled to an art class. I started painting, painting the world. I am the happiest.

When I was a kid I always say that I wanna be a painter. Mr. Coelho says that if you want something badly, the whole universe will conspire for you to have it. Who says childhood dreams don’t come true?

I, a painter. I, an artist. :)